Lit The Fuse

It’s making me crazy that I’m so busy right now that I can’t write very much, when I am stuffed full of things to tell you! Here’s the general run-down, and a taste of the revelation I had.

This past (long) weekend was spent at the Tall Ships Festival in Dana Point, California. It’s a lot of fun every year, with big, gorgeous sailing ships and great people and amazing experiences. I play a pirate (naturally, I suppose) in the show on the brig the Pilgrim which reenacts some historical battle. There are tales to tell, and I’ll get to them as fast as I can, starting with a video in the next day or so on my YouTube channel.

My plan was to take a few days away from things, from the deranged, overbooked, crashing madly mayhem which is my normal life, and switch to something easy and fun and almost completely unconnected to anything else. So I did.

Then the most amazing little events happened. Again, I don’t have time to properly go into it just now, but here’s the important bit: I wasn’t expecting a thing. Just having some fun. Using some skills I don’t get to bring out very often. Playing with people and bringing some silly happiness.

Along the way, one of the biggest blocks in my mind, one of the most crippling doubts I carry, got shattered. I still need to haul away the debris, but it’s definitively broken. There are images, sensations, I can recall to mind from now on if I doubt the core of my worth, and the fears of the id return. The id is the most primitive part of the personality, and gets very little respect, but unless it’s solid and secure, everything built on it – which is everything else – will be unsure and unreliable.

In other words, this completely out-of-the-blue validation gave me the key I’ve been looking for to crystallize the Jovian philosophy and make it totally functional and repeatable. It lit the fuse.

Now to fly.

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